[665]: Archive

hello.

I forgot I had this. Yikes.

Jul 27th

1 note

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fatsgumshoe: nicecleanwhite: “Numerica” -NiceCleanWhite @fatsgumshoe

Oct 12th

4 notes

Oct 12th

KYLIE : 1 WASP : 0 Sorry I’m not sorry I stomped you out with a phone book, ass.

Oct 6th

I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE.

Katie: Oh, so my Mom got this text on her phone from October 4th, it was you asking, "are you drinking tonight?"
Me: Yeah, what about it?
Katie: Was that supposed to go to me?
Me: No.  I was asking your Mom.  I just wanted to be sure.

Oct 6th

Oct 2nd

43 notes

Sep 27th

KATIE IS AFRAID OF TOADS.

 [JUST GOT HOME FROM THE BAR, WALKING UP MY DRIVEWAY, A TOAD JUMPS AND KATIE SCREAMS LIKE SHE'S BEEN STABBED. WE GO INSIDE, WHERE SHE REVEALS TO ME THAT SHE'S TERRIFIED OF TOADS. I DECIDE WE SHOULD BREAK HER FEAR, AND SHE SHOULD TOUCH ONE. WE GO INTO THE GARAGE...]
Me: Well, theres always a ton of toads in my driveway.  Lets go see if we can find one and I'll pick it up and then you will touch it and get over this.
Katie: I don't know...I...I don't know.  I've never touched one, and...I don't know.
Me: Well, we don't even know if there are any out.
 [OPEN GARAGE DOOR, HUGE TOAD IS SITTING RIGHT BY THE DOOR]
Me: There's one.
Katie: WHOAH. NO. NO. TOO BIG.  THAT ONE IS TOO BIG. Can't we start with something a little smaller?  Like a frog?
Me: No, we're doing this. Quit being a pussy.
 [TOAD IS GONE]
Me: Well where the fuck did it go?
 [KATIE STARTS TO WALK OUTSIDE]
Me: No, no...stay in here because if it jumps at you you're going to scream like a little bitch.

Sep 27th

“THIS IS WHERE YOU PUKED! OVER HERE! BY THIS TREE!”

– Drunk bitch to drunk bitch in Saratoga Springs, NY.

Sep 27th

Sep 25th

11 notes

Sep 25th

Sep 23rd

THE MAN OF MY DREAMS:

I keep seeing this guy around town. As a result, he has been my sidekick for the passed couple of nights in my dreams. I don’t know anything about him; not his name or where he works, but this morning when I was getting coffee he was sitting in the cafe. I caught myself before I walked up to him and said, “Listen, we don’t know each other, but you really proved yourself a...

Sep 23rd